Sleepless in Geneva

Anxious. Awake.

You cannot convince me now that there isn't an enemy of my soul.  Three hundred gifts into my list of 1000 and I have a day in which I can't imagine finding ten more, let alone seven hundred.

All that the eyes of my heart seem to see are the discontents:

An angry, hurting child
a farm that is falling apart
a schedule I am failing to master
a list swimming around in my head that I can't seem to get done because of not enough.

Not enough time
Not enough energy
Not enough money

And the waves rage and my eyes come off His face and all I see are the waves around me.....I am sinking....all alone.

Oh, me of little faith!

Meanwhile, the enemy prowls around looking for someone to devour....

Ah, but He reminds me that I am cowering before a DEFEATED enemy, a lion with no teeth.

He reminds me that the eyes of the Lord roam the earth looking to strengthen him (or her!) whose heart is fully His.  He is the conqueror, and He is looking for me.

Find my heart, Lord, and make it fully Yours.  Strengthen it.  Bring my eyes back to the One who has defeated the enemy.  You ask for my whole heart, because that is the only way for it be safe.

How do I give Him my whole heart?

When I give my attention to Him, give attention to noticing His gifts, I open my heart to Him.

When I thank Him for the beautiful and the ugly, thank Him for the plenty and for the not enough, I offer my trust.  And I can't love Him if I don't trust Him.

Is it any wonder there are days like this?  As I have begun intentionally looking to see my 1000 gifts and beyond, God has wooed me, found my heart.

As my heart learns to find safety in surrender and  trust, my toothless enemy rages, stirs up the waves around me, points out the ugly, the insufficient, and screams lies.

Ahhhh...but if I listen, if I look carefully, the silence of the One who can be trusted roars that He has already won this fight.